Wednesday, March 30

终点起点

一直想,一直想,到底是为什么,为什么事情会演变成这样。朋友问说5年前的你去了哪?

想了很久很久,还真的有点不服气为什么我需要走这些别人不用走的委屈路,或许这就是热血的代价,横冲直撞需要付出的因果

一直都很努力,很努力。直到发现努力解决不到某些瓶颈,就拼了命盲目地去找寻解决瓶颈的方法

相比一些人一早就投降去投向平凡的怀抱,我坚持了好久。那份固执的确吃了超多的苦头,但我觉得这是修炼必经的阶段,平衡是千疮百孔,披荆斩棘的甜蜜结局

之前一直都有觉得浪费了很多很多时间,但这是一个选择,一个勇敢面对的选择,那两年的坚持,可能比前几年的高歌更珍贵。少了那两年,瓶颈根本就无法突破,结果将会是浑浑噩噩地过余生。

讲了N次的“最后一次”,这次还真的不知道是不是又一个“最后一次”,但是可以肯定的是,这一次,不管好坏,我都会踏出去。

看从前,从前十分美好,从前是纯朴的正面回忆。
看过去,过去非常重要,过去给现在带来强大能量。
看现在,现在才是最好,现在是机会,现在是希望。
珍惜现在,把握现在,活在现在。

我们都有那个努力生活的能力,我们不需要靠噩耗来提醒我们生命的价值,没那个必要。不断重新来过是生命最幸福的事。


Thursday, March 24

Start from Zero

July 2014, until today.

It has been a really tough 2-year.

Everyday itself is a challenge.

Constantly questioning myself on what I should do. Constantly conflicting what I want and what I do.  Constantly saying "What if, what if". Constantly refusing to give up, and constantly giving up. Constantly frustrated. Constantly fear.

And constantly lost. Very lost.

Sometimes I suspect myself getting mental illness. Sometimes I think they are just self-discovery conflicts. When I said I am searching for life purpose, people laughed. When I said I am lost, people thought I think too much. When things weren't delivered, I seriously hope I would have a choice, a choice to be able to deliver it.

Listen. Listen to who you are. Listen to what you want. Listen to only yourself. No 'if', no 'but'.

Start from zero.

Wednesday, March 16

Impact

I need to write down my feelings before I forget them (Which it often happens). And I am still a fluffy boy as who I was few years ago though I have put a lot of hard work in improving my weaknesses.

I have counted very carefully, this is my 34th (Wtf) AIESEC Conference, including all big and small-scaled conference-styled events. And yet I still had the very similar kind of strong feelings at the end of the conference.

AIESEC in UPM has always been a very special place for me, not only because I have a lot of dumbass friends who came from this LC, but because of the fate and connection I had towards this LC.

Two years ago I had a very wonderful facilitating experience, and two years later I am here again. Looking at the changes on the juniors two years ago to who they are today, Veronica, Eric, Han Hoong, Han Chong, Hsio May, Ruo Ni, Zi Ying, Zhi Qian. Never know that the LLDS 2 years ago was such impactful and memorable to them until they mentioned it. It just simply proved the values of our actions two years ago, it is the kind of lollipop moments again.

I have almost forgotten that feeling, that kind of encouragement which people gave me no matter how sucks I was. I remember very clearly the sharing from two of the delegates, Safwan and Joe Yi. Their biggest learning in the conference wasn't skill, wasn't knowledge, but it was just simply the action of speaking English in front of people. It might sound very silly to many of us, but it means the whole world to them.

I once again affirmed that many people are still living a life with no hopes, no trust, no confidence, a life in darkness. We need to help them, and all it needs is just very simple. It is just trust, just encouragement, just an applause, just a cheer, just a belief, just a caring and loving heart.

You have no idea how much a tiny positive action means to a person with no hope. I need to do that again, and continue doing that for the rest of my life. I need to listen to my true voice, I need to be who I really am.
This fucking shitty inner journey, I am very sure you are coming to the very end now. I will kill you and go back to stage 1 again in my hero's journey.