Wednesday, March 30










Thursday, March 24

Start from Zero

July 2014, until today.

It has been a really tough 2-year.

Everyday itself is a challenge.

Constantly questioning myself on what I should do. Constantly conflicting what I want and what I do.  Constantly saying "What if, what if". Constantly refusing to give up, and constantly giving up. Constantly frustrated. Constantly fear.

And constantly lost. Very lost.

Sometimes I suspect myself getting mental illness. Sometimes I think they are just self-discovery conflicts. When I said I am searching for life purpose, people laughed. When I said I am lost, people thought I think too much. When things weren't delivered, I seriously hope I would have a choice, a choice to be able to deliver it.

Listen. Listen to who you are. Listen to what you want. Listen to only yourself. No 'if', no 'but'.

Start from zero.

Wednesday, March 16


I need to write down my feelings before I forget them (Which it often happens). And I am still a fluffy boy as who I was few years ago though I have put a lot of hard work in improving my weaknesses.

I have counted very carefully, this is my 34th (Wtf) AIESEC Conference, including all big and small-scaled conference-styled events. And yet I still had the very similar kind of strong feelings at the end of the conference.

AIESEC in UPM has always been a very special place for me, not only because I have a lot of dumbass friends who came from this LC, but because of the fate and connection I had towards this LC.

Two years ago I had a very wonderful facilitating experience, and two years later I am here again. Looking at the changes on the juniors two years ago to who they are today, Veronica, Eric, Han Hoong, Han Chong, Hsio May, Ruo Ni, Zi Ying, Zhi Qian. Never know that the LLDS 2 years ago was such impactful and memorable to them until they mentioned it. It just simply proved the values of our actions two years ago, it is the kind of lollipop moments again.

I have almost forgotten that feeling, that kind of encouragement which people gave me no matter how sucks I was. I remember very clearly the sharing from two of the delegates, Safwan and Joe Yi. Their biggest learning in the conference wasn't skill, wasn't knowledge, but it was just simply the action of speaking English in front of people. It might sound very silly to many of us, but it means the whole world to them.

I once again affirmed that many people are still living a life with no hopes, no trust, no confidence, a life in darkness. We need to help them, and all it needs is just very simple. It is just trust, just encouragement, just an applause, just a cheer, just a belief, just a caring and loving heart.

You have no idea how much a tiny positive action means to a person with no hope. I need to do that again, and continue doing that for the rest of my life. I need to listen to my true voice, I need to be who I really am.
This fucking shitty inner journey, I am very sure you are coming to the very end now. I will kill you and go back to stage 1 again in my hero's journey.