I am always torn between two kinds of motivations:
- Positive reinforcements and love
- Negative punishments and fear
I did not know how to choose. My heart has always been telling me the former while the society has always been advocating for the latter.
I do not understand the partisan that cries for "Negative punishments and fear". Warnings and fears are their alter egos. They never stop hoaxing others to do what they deem as the right thing, and demanding everyone to pursue their version of success. "You should do this, you should do that" is their punch line. They reprimand others for their mistakes, and they do not tolerate and embrace diversity other than what they think. They want everyone to avoid mistakes by all means, and they condemn people for not avoiding mistakes. They warn people to not giving too much of compliments or else that will grow a person's ego.
I found this type of philosophy (or I should call it as 'shallow thinking') really odd. Humans are biologically risk adverse and we instinctively crave for achievements. Why should we worry and excessively warn people hoping that they will chase for success and avoid mistakes? We naturally have self doubts in our inner voices and what we need are compliments. Why should we be so cautious in giving compliments and why do we insist to multiply the criticisms that already exist in our inner voices?
Why do we state the obvious? We know we want success and we really don't like mistakes. We already have enough of self criticism and we don't need more of them. We need compliments. Why do you keep telling me fucking platitudes which I already know when I was born? Why do you keep giving me things that I already have and deprive me of things that I want? Can you stop telling me pointless stuffs? Why are you so retarded? Can you be a little kinder to me?
Behind every single neurotic predicament lies the problems of psychology. They were forced to do things that they are doing, they didn't feel happy and they didn't have freedom. They have been reprimanded for mistakes. They were (are) forced towards unhappiness. Now they just want you to be like them.
And please don't deny their existence albeit the fact that it sounds really depressing. These people are everywhere in our life. These traits are in part of every single one of us. That boss who uses threats to force you to work. That mother who has a picture in mind on how must her child be like. That egoistic friend who likes to tell you what you should do like an unrest (annoying af) instructor. That partner who expects you to do certain thing otherwise separation is the only recourse. And it is not about others, we are all these kind of people once in a while. We form expectations on people around us and feel upset when they do weird things that contrast your expectations. We all have that urge to berate and rebuke when people turn out different as what we expect. Yes, we are all that monster in at least 50% of our life. We are all the villains that another half of heroic us hope to wipe out. But we hardly notice that we are the villains when we are the villains.
Today, I am very firm for an answer. The answer is "Positive reinforcements and love."
What if I suddenly become lazy and slack against goals and responsibilities? We naturally have sense of urgency and sense of time to do meaningful things in our limited span of life. Laziness is a symptom of deeper baggage such as fear and sense of worthlessness. No one is naturally lazy.
What if I become so careless and kept making mistakes? What a poor fallible logic there you have. We naturally dislike mistakes, it is impossible for us to keep making mistakes non stop.
The more emphatic you are towards "Negative punishments and fear", the more fear you created and the more you are afraid towards things that you want to do. An utterly absurd vicious cycle. It is no surprise that all these people hardly achieve gigantic success in life. Their cautious and neurotic attitude are meant to help them to avoid errors and to seize every possible achievements, but paradoxically it prevents them to achieve big things. They are too busy looking before the leap, and ended up rarely leaping. Opportunities are missed, lives are being lived conservatively. If we only care about not making the wrong moves, we will also never get to make the right moves.
Many will continue live under that rigid definition of life.
I dissent. The real meaning of life is more than those secular successes, the real meaning is to unleash our inherent beauty and love.
Thank you Mum and Dad for believing "Positive reinforcements and love". Both of you are wonderful.